28 January 2011

Top 5 of Gen 5!

I am aware that it is not Tuesday, yet I am still doing a top 5 feature. Days of the week don't control me.

Gen5 has been criticized from the very first silhouette leaks of the new starters for having horribly stupid-looking Pokémon. All I really have to say to that is HAVE YOU LOOKED AT GEODUDES? THEY ARE ROCKS WITH FISTS. Also, stop taking a video game targeted towards people 1/3 your age so seriously (like I'm one to talk.) Anyway, these are my five favorite Pokémon from yet-to-be-released-in-America Black & White!*

#5. Desukan / Cofagrigus

Kudos to Nintendo America's translation team for creating a nearly-impossible-to-pronounce American name for this guy. Co-fa-gri-gus? It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. I've always loved Egyptian-style stuff, and this has the added bonus of letting me imagine that Lucy from Elfen Lied is trapped inside a sarcophagus.

#4. Shinbora

Bulbapedia suggests that the inspiration for this Pokémon comes from Nazca lines and Kachina dolls. I choose to believe that Shinbora is the product of a drunken night between a Xatu and like, 3 or 4 Unowns.

The Iron Giant or Alphonse Elric, you pick.
#3. Goruugu

This Pokémon is like one of the kind-hearted robots in the Robot Circus that helps Astro Boy come to terms with the fact that he's a hated piece of garbage that was disowned by his creator. I'm not sure if that actually happened in Tezuka's manga, but it should have.

Blitzle is like what you would name a stoned turtle.
#2. Shimama / Blitzle

It's an electric zebra with a mohawk. Electric zebra. Mohawk. Also it kind of looks like David Bowie, if he was a zebra.

#1. Dasutodasu

Oh god. God, yes. Nintendo obviously listens to my prayers, because they actually designed a Pokémon that is a big bag of garbage. LOOK AT THIS THING. I mean, look at it. It is obviously the product of hours of brainstorming as to what a bag of vomit and entrails might look like if it gained sentience. AND IT IS GLORIOUS.

*I thought really hard about purchasing Japanese copies of Black and/or White so I wouldn't have to wait until March. Then I realized that Japanese DS games cost twice as much as American ones. I also realized that I would have finished it and likely gotten sick of it by the time all my friends were playing it, and I would end up being ostracized as a Pokémon hipster when I inevitably told them, "I already finished that game months ago because I can read Japanese." Then they'd all go off to play and trade together and I'd be left alone. :,(

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